It's been a long while...I'm sitting here thinking about life and what that looks like and I can't help but think it looks like one of those Rorschach tests. Not one of those that look like a penis, like in Superbad. But a colorful one, full of messes and no symmetry; one with drastic changes in shading and texture.
There was a model presented to me in my sophomore year at Bowling Green that stated, "We can operate as a well oiled machine or a beautiful train wreck." I know which one I'd like to think I was emulating; the beautiful train wreck, full of adventure and mystery, the unknown. But, as I stop and think about where my life has gone, where my time and investments have been made I'm not sure that I can believe that that's for me.
I long for a sense of control. I long for a desire to be master of my domain and have my shit figured out. I want to know that what I'm doing is meaning something to someone and that I have an impact. I long for validation and I'm not ready to bend my knees quite yet.
I turned 25 in July and had an opportunity to look at where I was, my quarter life crisis, as it's been called. I'm not ready for some of those things they say I should have. Hell, I'm not sure if I had them what I'd do with them. Relationships have been near boring and buying a house establishes way too much permanence and kids still annoy me way to much to be responsible for one 24/7. I know, I know, it's different when he/she is your own, that's the word on the street, but how much different?
I enjoy my job 90 percent of the time but that's even changing. I can't seem to leave work and be stress free without feeling like I'm loosing a step to someone else. I pile pressure on myself and my results and am shattered when I fall anywhere less of the goal.
Don't get me wrong I want those things but that's not all. I want something more....
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